Worship Freely

Have you ever been in a funk spiritually speaking, and God opens your eyes all of a sudden with a picture that sticks in your mind for an extended time? I want to share an experience I had not that long ago. I hope I can adequately explain what I am feeling and thinking.

One Sunday not long ago, I went to church even though I was "not in the mood." The music was really good, but way to loud, and I was struggling in my circumstances to find an emotional connection to God.

At some point, among the distractions of trying to worship in another language, the acoustics of the church (which were horrible), and my internal cobwebs blocking the connection between God and I (or the feeling of it), I saw a bright light.

No, it wasn't a literal light. It was a child.

A little boy was up in the front of the church waving his arms, jumping up and down, and laughing.

First I was a bit jealous of him. Why could I not be like that? Free. Free to love. Free to be loved. Free to dance right into The Throne Room, right up to the Father, and into his arms. The jealousy melted away into wonder as I watched him for about 15 minutes.

I remember understanding some of what the pastor said, but the little boy lived a sermon I will not soon forget. God wants us to come to him as a child: Free to enjoy His abundant provision. I don't have kids, but I can't imagine most children worrying about where the food is coming from, or what they will wear when they outgrow their clothes.

I worry to much, and don't trust Him enough. Relaxing, and not worrying seems to simple, though. So on I toil, wondering whether or not we will be able to pay this bill, or that one. And because of this, when I get to church I am so stressed that I am not free to worship.

That night I asked God to make me a child again. In some part of me, I wanted that to be literal. But more, I wanted to experience the freedom a child feels. I continue to pursue that, but I am sure it will not be completely fulfilled until after this life is over.

What things do you do to pursue a more child-like faith?